The Breakfasts and The Dogmanity — By Coal

Jun 1, 2015

We’re used to a lot of craziness around Chez Salty. But you will need to suspend disbelief when I tell you what befell us 4 Good Dogs on the weekend of May 2nd.

The day started out normally enough. A great day of treats and belly rubs for us boys at the shop while I sat in the car the entire day. When the shop was finally closed, Don loaded us all into the car and headed back to Southport. But this is where things become strange. When we entered the cabin, Don used his “Very Bad Dog Words” very loudly but not to any specific dog. Then he sat down on the couch and stared at the ceiling for about 5 minutes. When he got up, he went to the dog food bin and filled one cup with food. Then he sprinkled that cup of food evenly into our 4 dog bowls and brought them to the kitchen.

I don’t know why Don did what he did next. He opened 2 cans of tuna and split them evenly between the 4 dogs (Even the juice! That was much appreciated). Then he took out 2 bratwurst, cut them in half and gave a piece to each dog. Talk about Black Lab Heaven! We were ever so thankful. I think Auggie wore off part of his tongue licking Dons face in thanks. We were all in very high spirits as we anticipated our new lives as “Eaters From The Fridge.”

Things were normal for the rest of the night – peanut butter and belly rubs, Don at his computer with Red Sox baseball on the radio, and then a snuggle night in the big cabin bed with all us dogs waking up at 4:30AM looking for breakfast and Don yelling “go back to sleep dammit!” over and over.

Then the 6am alarm went off. Here is where my tale becomes terrible. If you are easily saddened, please don’t read any further! It will scar you for years!

Don usually gets up, lets us outside to “do our business,” fills our food and water bowls and then let’s us in to eat. On THIS morning, Don got up and went directly in the bathroom, put water all over himself, put on new clothes and then let us outside to do our business. He met us at the car. NO BREAKFAST WAS GIVEN. NO BREAKFASTS!!!!!!!

Auggie panicked and ran around crazily nipping Don’s hand. Max attempted to trip Don at every step to the car. Buddy ate some dirt in the driveway. I looked up at Don mournfully as he attempted to get me in the car, but there was nothing we could do. Don had clearly gone insane and we were all locked in a car without any food. And now we were hurtling towards Dog knows where. Our mortal fate was sealed. We were all drooling. Except Don.

Talk about panic. WHERE WAS BREAKFASTS DON? Where was breakfasts? Where is breakfasts? We NEED breakfasts, Don! We were all bouncing around the inside of that Honda Pilot like we were being electrocuted. Then, after about 45 Skillion-Billion-Trillion years we ended up at the shop.

The craziness escalated when the car pulled into the shops parking spot and Don left us all in the car while he opened the Forbidden Shed and pulled out our bags of food. Us dogs began to drool x2 whilst we were locked in the car and Don filled our bowls from the big luscious, forbidden bags in the shed. I honestly thought Don would eat all the breakfasts from all four bowls while we were watching. It was that kind of crazy.

Fortunately, when the bowls were full, Don let us out of the car to hunt down our breakfast. Like our ancestors, we ran together to fell our prey and we worked together to bring those bowls down. No kibble ever tasted so good. There was a water bowl and then we were shuffled into the car for Walkies to Porter Preserve with swimming and fetching and I got ever so filthy.

So please keep an eye out for us 4 Good Dogs at the shop. Don could just be showing the first signs of instability and I would hate for him to progress to a point where he would forget about Breakfasts entirely. And then what would happen to Dinners?!?! And Snacks and Treats and Num Nums?!?!?! Just to be safe, show up to the shop every day and give us a lot of treats. That way you can be sure us 4 Good Dogs aren’t wasting away. And don’t forget me. I’ll be out in the car.

I am Coal and I love you. I will always love you.