Scraps, Scrubs, Berries & Buddies — By Max

Aug 1, 2015

Max Here! I am just fine. Thank You!

For those of you who expected Buddy to be writing this blog because it was his turn, he’s asked me to tell you that he is completely exhausted from winning the Doggie Musical Chairs at the Mutt Scrub. It was a huge achievement for the old boy and he’ll be back as soon as he can work the typewriter again. He also wanted me to thank Alexis for him. He couldn’t have done it without you!

I have to say Mutt Scrub 2015 was the worst one ever. EVER! Auggie will agree with me on this one. There were so few scraps of food left on the lawn. Last year there were all kinds of crusts and bits to scavenge. So many tidbits in fact that Auggie was yelled at for running across the street on his own to explore. This year. Nothing. Hardly a crumb! You’d think with all the free samples of Blue Buffalo there’d be a TON of tidbits and things to eat. But no. Just a vast wasteland of shampoo-smelling grass. How can you Uprighters be so cruel?

And us Salty Dogs got SCRUBBED! All of us! THAT’s the insult to our injury! I ask you – how am I supposed to sneak up on that impertinent squirrel when I smell like Peppermint? HOW, Don? How? When that little rodent chews his way into your eaves, you’ll rue the day you made me smell like a candy cane. And not to sound like Auggie, but how is the pack supposed to protect itself and disguise its scent properly? You’ll never be able to sneak up on a menacing pack when you smell like some kind of ghastly Devil’s fruit salad. NEVER.

Speaking of Auggie — for those of you who asked, no, we are not in danger. In fact, Auggie has already forgotten his “Birthday Blitzkrieg” from his last blog and has started talking about his “girlfriend” – Ginger the mini dachshund coming up in August. Perhaps that will mellow the pup out. We all at Chez Salty certainly hope so.

NOW FOR THE EXCITING PART!

If you aren’t a dog living in a renovated underground MX missile silo in Kansas you should know that all the blueberries are becoming ripe! My favorite time of the year! I just drop my jaw like a rake and charge through the low-bush blueberries to scoop them up. The high-bush huckleberries are a little more work, but they’re sweeter because I have to pick the bunches singly from the bush and I don’t get as many twigs, leaves, moths and unripe berries as I do raking low-bush blueberries. They both have their endearments! I’m not complaining!

But the best part? After the blueberries come the raspberries. And then come the blackberries. And then rotten crabapples. Then comes cold and snow and belly-sliding and icebergs! Such is the wonder and beauty of nature! And watching Buddy try to pull his first raspberries off a prickly bush should be pretty funny. It certainly was for the other two!

And lastly, I’d like to wish Coal a happy 12th birthday. Not many of you know this, but we were best buddies from even before Auggie. We used to run around in the back yard, and Coal would jump in the swamp and get more filthy than science could describe. Kind of like he does now. It’s true! Watch this video. It’s pretty lousy, but what do you expect? It was taken from Don’s Blackberry a zillion years ago! It’s an ancient artifact, for Dog’s Sake!

Anyway, even though you howl at police sirens and bark at thrown sticks, I hope you have many more swims and fetches with us, Old Man! Many more!

Take care everyone!

–Max