Pee Pee Blues – by Buddy

Dec 1, 2019

Hi there! It’s Big Buddy writing the blog this month. I hope I don’t let you all down!

Thank you for all your birthday wishes!!! I turned fourteen on November 23rd. That was also the Early Bird! The shop was so busy and there were so many people! I think they were singing “Happy Birthday” but I couldn’t be sure because I can’t hear so good. The dog cake I got was very good and I shared it with everyone and every dog. I was very popular!

This time of year is very scary because the cabin gets closed and last year I was <ahref=”https: www.twosaltydogs.net=”” blog-69.html”=”” target=”_blank”>abandoned at the cabin to die. I didn’t die though. Don and Liana came back and brought me to Buddy’s Barrel House because they loved me. They also gave me dinner and we all had Family Snuggies on the big couch. Did you know Buddy’s Barrel House is named after me? They are so nice!</ahref=”https:>

This year they didn’t forget me at the cabin to die. We moved back to Buddy’s Barrel House last week. That was very nice. The Barrel House is very nice too, but when we start living there my life changes a lot. Mostly when it comes to pee-pees.

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When I am at the cabin, Don and Liana give me a lot of water and I can drink as much water as I want. When I need to pee I just walk out the open sliding glass door and walk down the four stairs to pee. Sometimes I pee and poop at the same time. That’s the best.

When I am at the Barrel House I can not go out the front door to pee and poop like I do at the cabin. There are a lot of other dogs in town and Don and Liana keep the front door shut so other dogs don’t come in and eat our kibble and treats. I understand. I barely get enough kibble and treats for myself.

Don and Liana hardly give me any water when I am at Buddy’s Barrel House and I get very thirsty. Don and Liana give all the other dogs lots of water, but when I go to drink, they stop me before I drink all I want and I am still thirsty. When I lick up the spilled water on the floor for half an hour, Don gets mad and throws a pillow at me from the couch. That Don is so funny!

Even if I could go out the Barrel House front door like at the cabin, I can’t get down the stairs at the Barrel House by myself. They are very steep and they are very long and they are very scary. I might hurt myself a lot if I try to get down those stairs by myself. Hurting myself would make Don and Liana very sad, so I just pee in the corner of the dining room.

Don gets angry when I pee in the corner of the dining room at night. If I have to go real bad, I walk around the Barrel House and my nails go CLACK CLACK CLACK on the floor. If Don doesn’t wake up, I go in the bedroom and start slurping myself next to Dons head. Don used to just put a pillow over his head to block out any slurping noise. But now that I’m peeing in the dining room, he runs right out of the bedroom in his pajamas and takes me outside. Even if it’s raining or snowing. I’m really proud of Don. He’s getting trained so well!

When Don lets me outside to pee, all the other dogs want to go outside too, and that makes Don mad. Not as mad as when I pee in the dining room, but still pretty mad. He has to help me down those scary stairs and lift me back up them with the other dogs running everywhere. He says funny things like “AM I EVER GOING TO GET A FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP IN THIS HOUSE?!?!” He says things like that very loudly and Liana isn’t even there. That makes it even funnier. I love Don so much! He’s so funny!

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Don and Liana brought me to the Vets to see why I drink and pee so much. Sam the Vet Tech is so nice. She gives me big love! She gives me so many treats and butt rubs. I try to kiss her, but she covers her face and turns away. She squinches up her eyes and she laughs. (Editors Note: Buddy’s fermented breath is beyond horrific to man and beast.)

Sam the Vet Tech gave Don and Liana Pee-Pee Pills that I must take. They taste very bad. Don and Liana tried to fool me by throwing the Pee-Pee Pills in the air like they were delicious fish oil pills. But they were only the horrible tasting Pee-Pee Pills and I stopped eating them like they were the delicious fish oil pills. (Editors Note: The Pee-Pee Pills are antibiotics for an infection the Vet thinks is making Budly pee inside).

Now Don and Liana put the Pee-Pee Pills in a bit of cheese and give it to me. Max, Auggie and Teddy are really jealous! They think they should get Pee-Pee Pills and a little bit of cheese too. But it’s Buddy’s Special Treat, guys! Don’t be too upset. Maybe when you get old and pee in the dining room you’ll get some tasty cheese treats too!

It’s only a matter of time before Max starts peeing in the dining room and has to go see Sam the Vet Tech for Pee-Pee Pills. Max makes fun of me when I pee inside, but Max used to make fun of me when I couldn’t lift my leg to pee like a boy dog. Now Max pees like a girl dog, too. Pretty soon I will be laughing at him and we both will get cheesy Pee-Pee Pills.

I don’t want to upset Sam the Vet Tech, but I don’t think the Pee Pee Pills work very good. It feels like I have to pee all the time, but just a little bit. Before I would only have to pee when Don called it a “Horse Stream.” Now I just pee a little bit and Don gets mad when the rug even has a little bit of pee on it. I don’t want to make Don angry and I don’t want to pee in the dining room. I try very hard not to pee even a little bit in the dining room, but the Pee-Pee Pills make it so hard!

When I was a puppy, I peed inside until I was trained to pee outside. When I got old and peed in the dining room, I had to train Don so that I pee outside.

Life is a strange, ironic vessel best filled with friends and not pee pee.

Thanks for reading this far! I liked writing this far!

— Big Buddy Dog