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May 1, 2023
Regard me and be warned, Bipeds. I resolve not to be the recipient of your guff, bullroar, hogwash, claptrap, bunk, or other such codswallop. Bipeds pay taxes and get to vote. Bipeds thus control the game and get redress for their many grievances in multiple avenues. I require food to live, and so my Biped […]
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Apr 1, 2023
We lost Buddy in 2021, Max in 2022, and now Teddy in 2023. I’m truly sorry to dump another one of these “Dead Dog Stories” on you. Believe me, there’s nothing less I’d rather be doing. But I can’t let Teddy down. I loved him like I loved all my dogs. Maybe it’s the engineer […]
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Mar 1, 2023
This post is exactly what it sounds like. Let’s go through them chronologically, shall we? MAXIMUS GARY vs. HYPER DOG The worst thing Max did was when he was about 3 months old. He ruined a wedding at the Lucerne Inn in Holden, Maine. Long-story short, he bolted through a gap in the drizzle drapes […]
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Feb 1, 2023
Hi everyone!!!! I’m Marz!! This is my third blog!!! I’ve got some pretty exciting news!!! Have you ever heard about snow?!?! It’s super fun!!! It’s white and it’s cold and it’s THE BEST to run around and fetch in!!!!! Let me tell you all about it!!!!! The other day I woke up and it was […]
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Jan 1, 2023
Editor’s Note: The opinions, descriptions, ratings, characterizations, insults, malapropisms, and vituperations are the sole province of Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury- a dog. Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters cannot take responsibility for this atrocity. I’ve been held captive in this pathetic appendix of a town for longer than I care to admit. I am described as […]
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Dec 1, 2022
Marz is the first dog we’ve had that we are seriously worried about jumping off a balcony after a tennis ball. Or jumping over the shop fence and meeting a fast-moving dump truck. Or hopping the fence and going on a merry little adventure forever. He’s also pretty impervious to criticism. Unless you scream it […]
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Nov 1, 2022
After reading this delightful Manhattan Socialite’s hilarious send up of Maine, I got to thinking mayhap a Mainer should respond in kind to the waves and waves of sophisticated and culturally aware New Yorkers inundating our fair shores every summer. That’s when I got to work creating “The Test.” It is a free, simple, quick, […]
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Oct 1, 2022
Hi! I’m Marz! I’m the new dog at Chez Salty! Sometimes they call me “Fudgie!” Don calls me “The Red Menace!!” I’m one-year old!!! I’m so frickin’ old now! Sorry! I didn’t mean to swear!! But youth is certainly frickin’ fleeting!! I can’t even fit in my old Safe Space anymore! Don used to get […]
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Sep 1, 2022
We live in evil times. You slothful whelps out there hardly know meaning, suffering nor sacrifice from your own butt. You think everything is but little trinkets for your amusement and wonderment. Have you forgotten all the rabid raccoons, skunks, and porcupines we older generation hath fought for your basic freedoms? And what thanks do […]
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Aug 1, 2022
[Editor’s Note: We’ve been trying to get Ted to write a blog since we got him in April 2019. He stubbornly refuses. However, we found his diary. He calls his Diary his “Diarrhea.”] Dear Diarrhea, I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written. There’s been a lot going on here and I’m not sure […]
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