Jan 1, 2024

AUGUSTUS – LAST OF THE GREATS – by Auggie

I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury.

I am a 12-yr old Black Labrador Retriever from outstanding blood and hip lines. Chances are that my combined SAT score (1600+) is better than yours and your dough-faced, over-privileged children combined.

I am a dog. I have seen many spectacular things in my twelve years of life.

Dec 1, 2023

THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!! – By Marz

There’s nothing better than eating a smoked pig ear in the warm October sun!!! Maybe eating two smoked pig ears in the warm October sun!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was a funny joke!!!!!!

Nov 1, 2023

MUSTS & CAN’TS – by Don

But “the experts” also said at one time that attaching leeches to someone’s private parts would cure them of being phlegmatic. Or was it mercurial? No matter. Just thinking that leeches could cure anyone of anything should tell you that “the experts” are full of black bile and little demons scratching to get out of their skulls.

Oct 1, 2023

Bird Town – by Don

…unfortunately, my battle isn’t with interesting birds like Non-Philly Eagles, Bushtits, Masked Boobies, Dickscissels, Horned Screamers, or Titmouses. Not even a Common Shag. No. I’m battling uninteresting, small, gray birds. They’re not even song birds. They just kind of cheep-cheep and shit on everything….

Sep 1, 2023

The Biggest Jolly Ball EVER!! – by Marz

HI!!!! My name is Marz!!! Or maybe it’s Fudgie!!! Don calls me Dum-Dum!!! I don’t know!!!! Maybe I have a whole bunch of names!!!! Maybe even three names if you count Knockitoff!!!! Maybe I even have names I don’t know yet!! Having lots of names is really fun!!! I really like balls!!! I started fetching […]

Aug 1, 2023

RETAILERS ANONYMOUS – by Don

“Hi. My name is Don and I’ve been in retail for 12 years.” “Hi Don!” “I’ve owned a pet supply store and been exposed to the general public after having a cush, well-compensated engineering job rehabilitating earth dams on the west coast. At that time, I had a wife who loved me and the respect […]

Jul 1, 2023

AUGUST ADVICE – by Auggie

Dear Augustus;
I am a Golden Retriever and my Bipeds dress me up in just ridiculous thick coats in the winter. Then they shave me in the summer. I look like a fool and I get sunburned! I scratch and scratch and scratch after I’m shaved, but the Bipeds take no notice.

Jun 1, 2023

EARNEST RUGBY DOG – by Marz

Hi Everyone!! Thanks for reading my story!! I really like writing and I have a lot of stuff to write about now!! Have you ever been to “Doggy Daycare?!?!?” It’s the best!! It’s almost as good as 2 feet of snow on a mile-long beach!!! Auggie hates Doggy Daycare! He says it’s just a prison […]

May 1, 2023

MAN BITES DOG AND OTHER CODSWALLOP – by Auggie

Regard me and be warned, Bipeds. I resolve not to be the recipient of your guff, bullroar, hogwash, claptrap, bunk, or other such codswallop. Bipeds pay taxes and get to vote. Bipeds thus control the game and get redress for their many grievances in multiple avenues. I require food to live, and so my Biped […]

Apr 1, 2023

GOODNIGHT TEDDY SPAGHETTI – by Don

We lost Buddy in 2021, Max in 2022, and now Teddy in 2023. I’m truly sorry to dump another one of these “Dead Dog Stories” on you. Believe me, there’s nothing less I’d rather be doing. But I can’t let Teddy down. I loved him like I loved all my dogs. Maybe it’s the engineer […]