I am Coal. Hear Me Bark! – By Coal

Sep 20, 2012

Both Max and Aug say it’s about time I wrote something to earn my keep, so here I am.

I am Cole. You may know me as the black lab who hangs out in front of the store with the silver beard, white stripe on my chest, and sleeps in the bushes when he’s tired of being poked and prodded. I’m new to this pack, so I’m going to change my name to Coal. My 9th birthday is on August 15th. I hope you can make it to the shop for some dog cake. Don will laugh really hard if you sing “Happy Birthday” off-key enough to make me howl. He still wants to get that on YouTube.

I know I’m the Omega to Max’s Alpha and Aug’s Beta. I get treats last and I have to get in the back seat of the truck first. Max and Auggie ripped apart my little stuffed monkey that came from my old pack. But Don and Liana got me a new stuffed penguin that I suck and nibble on at night. My new pack says I’m doing “Num-nums.” I don’t know what that means. They have to keep taking away the penguin from Auggie. I guess sometimes he wants to rip it apart like all his other toys. I’m not mad at Auggie. He can have the penguin. The limbs of my old monkey are still good to nibble on. And sometimes I’ll sneak in a nibble on Max’s Skunky. I have to do it late at night so he doesn’t find out. That dog has good taste in num-nums. Skunky is all crinkly.

People come to the shop and say “You have three dogs, shouldn’t you call it Three Salty Dogs?” And Don always says “Cole’s not that salty.” But when I lick myself, I taste salty. Maybe if Don licks me, he’ll change the sign. Keep your fingers crossed. Don says I have a gigantic bear head on a toothpick dog body. I don’t know what that means. My likes are beaches, water, mud, tennis balls, and certain treats like lamb ears. I also like “Grand Funk Railroad”, NPR, and swimming naked. I dislike ear medicine, taunts about going to the beach, bully sticks, “Men at Work”, and Pink Floyd laser shows. If you make me go to a Pink Floyd laser show I will bite you. A “Men at Work” laser show would intrigue me in an odd way.

The reason I’m writing is because all of us three dogs will be at the shop this weekend. Liana is going up to The Maine Boats, Homes & Harbors Show in Rockland ( http://maineboats.com ). So go easy on Don this weekend. He says he hates tripping over my enormous head all day, and telling me to “…get out of the danger zone….” I don’t know what that means (Editors note– Danger Zone– in front of the cash register or where people pay, blocking the swing door, and laying in the doorway to the back room). I know Don is just kidding about my head and the Danger Zone.

Liana will be up in Rockland all weekend which means we won’t get Snuggies until Monday. Don does a fair job at making sure we’re fed and watered, he throws the tennis ball way far out into the ocean, and his treat schedule cannot be matched– but he is sadly lacking in Snuggies. I’m sorry if you’re reading this Don. Liana gives the best Snuggies by far.

She’ll be up in Rockland manning a booth with her friends Julie and Sarah. They took that bright green dog house from the front of the store that Auggie sleeps in and replaced it with one from out back. They also took one of those small houses from the back deck and a bunch of Crooked Birdhouses. I guess they expect a lot of dogs and birds to take naps in Rockland this weekend. I hear they even have a giveaway prize! I bet it’s little bits of Don’s breakfast. Now THOSE are lovely (Editor’s note: It’s probably carabiners with their website on them that they already give away in the shop, but in different colors). And don’t forget to drop by Sunday for the “Boatyard Dog Trials.”

That should be fun to watch, but I wouldn’t want to be one of those dogs. I prefer a secluded, nude beach with sand and muck to shake all over unsuspecting people. And I don’t agree that cheating should be encouraged for this competition. That’s how Auggie steals my half-finished treats and half-finished dinner. I’m not mad at Auggie. I DO agree that everyone should get wet! AND they should play Steve Miller Band for the duration of the competition!

Anyway……I am Coal. Here I am. Hear me roar.
ROWF!