FUDGIE QUESTIONS – by Don

Dec 1, 2022

Marz is the first dog we’ve had that we are seriously worried about jumping off a balcony after a tennis ball. Or jumping over the shop fence and meeting a fast-moving dump truck. Or hopping the fence and going on a merry little adventure forever.

He’s also pretty impervious to criticism. Unless you scream it at him. Then he gets very sensitive and withdrawn. If you click on the video below, you can see the aftermath of when he jumped into my lap whilst I was drinking scalding hot coffee. Both the scalding coffee and Marz ended up in my extremely sensitive crotch. It was an exquisite kind of pain that elicited all kinds of very naughty words at a volume reminiscent of when I ran construction crews.

Mr. Impervious to Criticism spends about 20 minutes upstairs being withholding towards me. I love how his head is low at first, barely looking at me. Then his head pops and he starts making little whimpering noises.

I’m not going to give away the ending, except to say that he takes a running leap into my lap – which was the original reason I was angry at him.

Marz is empathetic. He is sad when you are angry with him. He tries to cheer you up when you are upset. He really wants to understand you. He wants to do exactly what you want him to do, but has no idea what you want him to do..

So, like any other weirdo pet owner, I began talking to him like he was another human being. He’d cock his head in that great way and stare intently at me. And that’s the greatest thing about Marz- he’s a good listener.

Here are some of the latest conversations I’ve had with the little guy.

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1) The situation in Ukraine is certainly grave. Huge advances by the Ukranian army are made possible with the help of the EU and the US. Protests and disobedience in Russia are making Putin more twitchy than a Meth user with Parkinsons. Russian troops don’t seem to care whether they’re hitting civilian targets like nuclear power plants or apartment buildings. Now Iran is sending its killer drones to Russia despite facing it’s own internal revolution. A US base in Syria has been hit with rockets. Unless something changes drastically, there appears to be no peaceful way out of this war and the region is sparked for WWIII.

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2) The furnace seems to be toggling between ice cold and roaring hot. The regulator was replaced last spring for a LOT of money. Do you think it could be the regulator? Perhaps the fuel nozzle? I’m starting to think that we should get a new furnace. You?

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3) The Boston Bruins are off to an amazing start. I have three concerns, though. The first is goaltending. Ullmark is a stonewall right now, playing the hockey of his career….is it real or is just a hot streak? The second concern is that the team has yet to face any elite competition yet. They could just be a mediocre team beating up bad teams. Their next three games against elite teams and will be their first real test. Lastly, age. Will Bergeron and Krecji hold up for the whole year? They’ve got a lot of miles on their skates.

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4) That guy deliberately tried to run us off the road!! He’s totally INSANE!! He almost KILLED us!!!!

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5) Liana seems a little down today. Do you think we should get her flowers?

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6) Our taxes went up again?!?! What the hell? They went up literally 30% when they went through the whole school consolidation fiasco. Now, less than 8 years later, they’re going up again? Where the hell does Pownal get off raising our property taxes that much? Why do they need so much of my tax money?!?!

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7) Is it “Red sight at night, Sailor’s delight?” or “Sailor’s delight at night, Sailors take warning?”

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8) It is so interesting to me that the Roman Republic and the United States share so many common greatnesses and weaknesses. Let’s hope that commonality ends when it comes to endless civil war.

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9) If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take the complete discography of the Beatles or The Rolling Stones, which one would you take?

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10) “Hand me the Philips Head Screwdriver…”

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11) Should Liana and I liquidate our fiduciary-backed debentures or increase our bond holdings to compensate our portfolios for inflation?

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12) Who’s a GOOD boy?

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13) Singing to the song Get Back by The Beatles:

Fudgie was a dog who thought he was a loner

But he knew it couldn’t last.

Fudgie left his home in Salem Massachusetts

For some State of Maine grass..

Get back… Get back… Get back to where you once belonged…

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14) Have you seen my car keys?

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15) I just checked the demographics of this blog. Why are so many people from Sweden reading it every month?

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16) Who wants dinner?

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17) SOMEDOG is in BIG trouble for eating the hamburger thawing on the counter.

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18) WATCH OUT!! AGGRESSIVE DOG WANTS TO RIP MARZ’S THROAT OUT!!!

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19) Why would you use a toilet in a bar when you could just use the sink?

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20) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

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21) Why don’t you ever see Marz and Scott Sanchez in the same place at the same time?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

MERRY NEW YEAR!!!!