Fisherman’s Festival 2013 – Auggie

Apr 12, 2013

Auggie Here,

I have just read The Fattie’s paltry, hack-job, write-up from last year’s Fisherman’s Festival. I am so angry I could bite through a rhinoceros femur bone.

How long did you think I wouldn’t be able to read, LoserDog? Did you think I would let this one slide? Balderdash…. I will tell it exactly how last year’s Fisherman’s Festival happened.

First of all– I really enjoyed the Lobster Boat Races and The Tug of War. But I did NOT “…..bark and bark and BARK!!!!!!” as you claim. That was YOU, you hapless fool. You just about lost your natural faculties with all the excitement and Derring-Do of the Lobster Boat Races (or as the spell checker is insisting– “Herring Do.” Bwahahahahahaha! Herring Do! Like herring poop! Get it?!?!?! Hahahahah!). And Max, the fact that you never thought I could ever read is why I gnaw on your leg while you sleep. Nitey Nite, Dumbo. Nitey Nite.

And it’s no wonder why you enjoy the “Fish Fry” and the “Codfish Relay.” Here, I’ll say what we’re all thinking… “YOU ARE FAT.” I will send it to you in Morse Code and the International Alphabet of Smoke Signals if you can’t decipher it from the children who call you “Fat Max.” And if you subscribe to my blog I will deny your subscription with an email that says “TOO FAT.” AHAHA!

And for your information, one of those “queasy bits” earned me a visit to the Vets, you blockhead. And not the kind of Vets with guns.

Now let me calm down for a bit. I have been under duress AND distress. But that is a column for another time.

Don and Liana have been going crazy because evidently we have destroyed and consumed one of the weaker pet stores in our area (Editor’s Note– The owners of Kathy’s in Edgecomb retired. TSDPO bought their stock.) I have personally witnessed the destruction and carnage and I pray for the future. The good news for you Homo Sapiens still reading is that there’s going to be a lot of stuff for sale during Fisherman’s Festival for…. let me read Don’s prepared notes here… “Stoopid Craaaaaazee Pricez!!!!!!!”

Now if that doesn’t just make an educated dog vomit in abject revulsion.

I guess what these Food-Providers are trying to say is that they’ll have all these really neat, fun and useful things for sale during that weekend that they may not have for sale in the coming year. Things that will turn your head. Things that are so “crazily” priced that people will take out loans against their children to purchase. Things that are so fantastic that they defy proper spelling and grammar. You get the point. But I think they’re having a “Gigantic Sale” because it’s the last time they’ll have free parking in downtown Boothbay Harbor until October.

So make sure to drop by our little shop at 22 McKown St. in “The Harbor” during April 26-27-28 of the ’13. It’s sure to be fun for pups, dogs, and bipeds– except zombies and vampires. Coal hates them both, but he really hates zombies. Oh! And speaking of zombies… Don said to mention that we’ll be having Facebook Specials where he’ll post something on our page and you’ll have a limited time to get to the shop and get a FREE gift. FREE! And those usually aren’t too shabby. Last time they gave away a same-day, all-expense paid trip to 23 McKown Street…..Snort!….BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

No, seriously…. the free gifts are usually pretty good.

Auggie The Aug Dog—OUT

PS: For those of you who want to know more about Fisherman’s Festival, check out this itinerary from last year. And keep checking back to the Chamber of Commerce’s website for this year’s itinerary.