Fat Dog Food No More – by Coal

Jan 1, 2016

Hi there! It’s Handsome Coal Dog. I hope you are well.

We had a GREAT Christmas at Chez Salty! I got a new Kick Fetch! And make sure you’re holding on to something solid when I tell you this next thing: IT GLOWS IN THE DARK! Now I can play fetch at all hours! It was one of the happiest moments of my life other than when I was whelped. I just LOVE that Kick Fetch! I got some other things like treats and canned food. And they were very nice. I really liked them. But A GLOW IN THE DARK KICK FETCH?!?!? That is the present of a lifetime!

And I got fat. It started when Don changed Buddy’s food because he (Buddy) has a reaction to chicken and they started to give it to the both of us because Don “…didn’t want 4,000 kinds of dog food all over the house…” The food was pretty yummy. It was so rich and Don would put warm water in the bowl to make a fishy gravy. It was sooooo good and the portions were so big that now I can’t get up into the car by myself.

Now they put me on the same “Fat Dog Food” (Don’s words) as Max and Auggie. It’s OK and they still give me the warm water gravy, but it’s not fishy in the slightest. And the gravy makes all the other dogs crowd me when I’m trying to finish my meal. Well I’m sorry! I like to enjoy a good meal with gravy! Maybe if they were nice, Don would make some gravy for them.

It will be nice to be able to jump up in the front seat of the car and sofa again, but at what price, Don? What price? My dignity is not cheap. Perhaps you should lift me in the car every time with that silly lifting sling you bought for me. And forget taking me upstairs in that thing. I will fight you every step of the stairs. I will just stay downstairs and glare at you with my most disapproving face when you come back down for water or to use the bathroom. A lifting sling, indeed.

And let’s not ignore what everyone is thinking, Don. I am not the only fat one in this pack. YOU, sir, are the most fattest of us all. And if you couldn’t get upstairs I certainly wouldn’t put a silly lifting sling on you. I would let you keep your dignity downstairs and get you treats every time I came down for water or to use the bathroom.

So please let’s not make fun of me while I am in recovery. And recover I shall. Now let’s go play Kick Fetch! It’s nice and frosty and dark outside.

I am Coal and I love you. I will always love you.

-Handsome Coal Dog