auggie, Author at The Harbor Dogs' Stories

Jul 1, 2017

Poop Rules – by Auggie

I stand before you Augustus, the only dog worthy of your worship in this world. My intentions are neutral towards you. Where we go from here is up to you and your actions. I know all you reprobates are expecting Big Dumb Buddy’s blog this month. I had to pre-empt his impaired little ditty to […]

May 1, 2017

From-Away Rube to a Boothbay Region Ruby – by Auggie

Salutations, loyal henchmen. It is I, Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. Please save your raucous celebrations until after my blog. It is befitting that May’s blog should fall to me. In the past I have given all you thronging tourist rabble helpful public service announcements on such topics as: How to Blend Into Boothbay Without Looking Like a […]

Dec 31, 2016

2016 Sucked — by Auggie

Yes. I posted this a day earlier than the other blogs. Don’t test my leftover manufactured holiday cheer. I’m warning you. 2016 was a tough year for our pack. Not only did we lose Coal – the only other dog in this miserable pack that loved to swim and fetch – but we lost Whit, […]

Oct 1, 2016

9 Questions Not to Ask Don or Dog – by Auggie

Hello all you thronging rabble. It is I, your Beloved and Benevolent Canine Overlord ~ Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. Please be seated. The rumors are true. I have in my possession the best toy in the world. I dare say even better than pink piggy. It is like pink piggy in every aspect except that it […]

May 1, 2016

Supreme Fetch Dog Throughout All The Land – By Auggie

I AM AUGUSTUS MEGATRON BULLDOZER. First of all Canines in Rome and otherwise. Get used to it. I WILL ADMIT THAT BEING SUPERIOR to all dogs and humans has left me a bit lonely. Not lonely in the fuzzy, plebeian, common-rabble way like sharing a dog bed with old chums, but rather lonely for somedog to give […]

Feb 1, 2016

Pucker Up Dead-Noses – by Auggie

I am Augustus, ruler of all things Canine. You’re welcome. Now, before I get into my obligatory contribution for this paltry newsletter, I must make one thing absolutely, perfectly, crystal clear. I did not have relations with that wiener dog. I have fought off these types of assaults before. As if the mere suggestion of […]

Oct 1, 2015

Fashion Shows and Mashed Potatoes — By Auggie

I am Emperor Augustus, your Canine Lord and Master. I can be benevolent or malevolent. Your attitude towards me will determine what attitude you shall receive from me. Thanks a lot, Deadnoses. One of you ratted me out and ruined my dreams and ambitions of taking over this rotten pack in a single email. Please […]

Jul 1, 2015

Blitzkrieg Birthday Manifesto — By Auggie

I am Augustus Megatron Bulldozer. If you do exactly as I say, EXACTLY…… you may stand a chance of leaving Boothbay Harbor alive this summer. As so many of you know, my birthday is on July 5th. I will be turning four in dog years, but in human years I’ll be turning 28 – old […]

Mar 1, 2015

Wonder Not, Gentle Suburbanite — By Auggie

My Name is Augustus. My friends may call me “Auggie” or “Aug Dog.” Only my most intimate acquaintances may call me “Auggie Doggie.” You most certainly may NOT call me “Hoggie” or “Hog Dog.” And “Hawggie Dawggie” is out of the question. There will be grave consequences should you cross that line. You know who […]

Dec 14, 2014

Auggie’s Reign Deer of Terror

I am Augustus. You should address me as such. See that you do in future, and your past transgressions shall be forgotten. My intention was to write a heartwarming account of the “True Meaning of Christmas” using the adopt-o-dogs Buddy and Coal as my pity-vehicles because the Christmas topic has never been satisfactorily addressed. But […]