auggie, Author at The Harbor Dogs' Stories

Nov 1, 2021

Whackjob Invictus – by Auggie

https://www.twosaltydogs.net/blog/big-dumb-people-by-big-buddy-dog/

Don has taken a lot of flak since he started writing the segment “We Love Hate Mail!” He has been banned from the Pen Bay Pilot newspaper from running ads, had numerous interactions on “Social Media” with people who think he hates tourists, and people have sent emails calling him a hypocritical clod for making his living off tourists and disparaging them at the same time. Of course, Don IS a clod who is too weak to deal with these imbeciles, but he is not a hypocrite.

Aug 1, 2021

The Augmentor Cometh – by Auggie

[Editor’s note: Auggie tore his right ACL tendon and damaged his left this spring. He was in a lot of pain when it happened. Instead of surgery, Liana and I opted to enroll him in physical therapy and alternative treatments. You should know that Auggie also has a very vivid imagination.] Those of you […]

Feb 1, 2021

Slouching Towards Edgecomb – by Auggie

I was dragged back to a room where I was subjugated. Against my most ardent protestations, my front-left leg was shaved. “I AM AN AMERICAN DOG CITIZEN! I HAVE RIGHTS! I bellowed out into the reverberating concrete anteroom. “I DO NOT CONSENT!! I WANT MY LAWYER!!”I screamed as they slipped the IV into my shaved leg. I thought I heard someone (Don?) laugh as the drugs took effect and my reality melted away.

Then there was nothing.

Sep 1, 2020

Zuckerstruck – by Auggie

How do you do, you lugubrious swine? Shall I display to you the enormous sweep of my influence? Swallow the last of your warm, spittle-infused canned beer and refrain from asking questions until I direct you that such questions are welcome. Anything less would waste my valuable time. August 22nd, 2020 Two Salty Dogs Pet […]

Apr 1, 2020

Vetting the Vets – by Auggie

Salutations, depraved quislings. Be seated. That is an order. When I heard we were going to “The Vets” the other day, I thought I would spend the day at a local VFW, drinking cheap beer with the heroes of our nation. Nothing could have been further from the truth. No doubt you have heard about […]

Nov 1, 2019

Odyssey – by Auggie

Good Day, Malingerers. This is a long one. Don’t start it if you cannot finish it. I was given no warning. Don brought me to the truck and bade me inside. I thought we were going to the local park for Walkies and mayhap a treat for afters. As there were none of the other […]

Jul 1, 2019

J’Accuse – by Auggie

J’Accuse – “I accuse.” A bitter denunciation. I should start by saying that my last blog was a resounding triumph in Canine Literature. Normally, my blogs are hungrily received and widely acclaimed by the top critics of the land. I have heard tell that my last blog caused several prominent critics to completely explode in a flash of […]

Mar 1, 2019

Ask Augustus – by Auggie

Good Day, you drunken gadabouts. I am often unfairly criticized for being too harsh. However, in the interests of ceasing your incessant e-prattle, I am now going to answer questions submitted by you – the confused and chunky canine hordes of America. I do this without anger and in the genuine hopes of helping my fellow canines. […]

Nov 1, 2018

SEALs at the Gates of Don – by Auggie

Salutations, quislings. It is I, your Supreme Canine Commander in Chief – Augustus. I am ready to mesmerize you with my unique and compelling takes on Boothbay Harbor Dog Life. And I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for picking up most of your trash in the Harbor this summer and disposing of […]

Jul 1, 2018

The Mongrel Scour 2018 – by Auggie

Salutations, Lackeys. Your rewards are forthcoming and wondrous. Every year the Bipeds “do” this thing called the Mutt Scrub. The cutesy name is designed to elicit heartwarming images of faithful canines being lovingly washed by ever-adoring owners. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The Mutt Scrub (Or as I call it, “The Mongel Scour”) […]