Mar 24, 2025

THE SCIENCE OF ARTHROPODS, METEOROLOGISTS, ALCOHOL, EGGS, ASTHMA, NO ASTHMA, GUTs, AND HOW GREAT YOU ARE – by DON

“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! THERE’S NOTHING GOD, NATURE, OR MAN CAN DO TO STOP THE TICKS AND BROWNTAIL MOTHS FROM SUCKING OUR CHILDREN DRY AND RAPING OUR WIVES!!!! Now here’s an important announcement from Fred’s Clam Shack in Bucksfield.”

Mar 1, 2025

MAINE WINTERS ARE THE BEST!!! – by MARZ

There aren’t many people or dogs at the beach in the winter! I like that a lot, because in the summer there’s always a bunch of crazy Doodles stealing tennis balls!!! I think they’re a gang!!! Or with the Mafia!!!

Jan 31, 2025

IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE END OF TIMES – by Auggie

Now we come to the uncomfortable crux of this entire piece. I will say out loud what most would ignore or not repeat: This blog really stinks on ice as of late.

If you disagree, I encourage you to bare-knuckle fight me in the comments.

Jan 1, 2025

BLUEBERRY FIELDS FOREVER – by Don

We Mainers ignored the bland gravy to our peril. We ignored the other warnings until it was too late. When we finally came up for air, there was a vast influx of smug, self-important, litigious, late-middle aged, suburban transplants in control of our breakfast restaurants. And they did not deign to have their senses affronted by something as plebeian as spicy sausage gravy or hot sauce that was actually hot.

Dec 1, 2024

THE TRAVELING FUDGEBURYS – by Marz

Luckily, Don came back before some nutjob broke into the truck and brought me to some farm where I’d have to pull a cart hauling rutabagas for the rest of my life and get eaten when I got too old to pull the cart!!!!!!

Nov 1, 2024

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE GRUMPY – by Auggie

My comrades refuse to have my “back.” They are your typical tiring, over-privileged, reactionary American Canine debris. And then there’s Don, the Biped version of Magilla Gorilla.

Oct 1, 2024

MY BEEF WITH TEENS – by Don

Look, I proudly say I was fired from more jobs than I’ve quit. There was even the time I was fired, re-hired, and fired by the same company on the very same day. Also, I’ve fired, re-hired, and fired Reagan in the same day a bunch of times…

Sep 1, 2024

SPASTIC, FANTASTIC & ICONOCLASTIC – by Marz

I’m a Chocolate Lab!!! I always felt different from the other Labs in my litter!!! I had eight sisters and one brother!!! They were all Black!! I was the only Chocolate Lab!! They beat me up all the time!!!! I don’t know why!!!! They bit my head and my wee-wee!!!! Sometimes my only brother would beat me up so the girls wouldn’t beat him up!! It was because of my color!!!! And my sex!!! I was also smaller than they were!!!! It was very, very scary!!!! I was very discriminated against!!!!

Aug 1, 2024

TIME IS CRUEL AND SO AM I – By Auggie

The brutal passage of time spares none. Not mayfly, Canine, Biped, dinosaur, trilobite, suns, galaxies nor even black holes. Time is a one-way track originating in an infinite past, charging over us in but an instant, and rushing on to the infinite future without a single hiccough from any living or inanimate entity in its trajectory.

Jul 1, 2024

DID YOU KNOW? DO YOU EVEN CARE? – by Don

Are you upset that you will not be able to control nor coerce your children from beyond the grave? Especially if your ashes are spread over some celebrated foreign golf course you’ve never even been to?

Never fear, chubs! We’ll dissect the truth from the flab for your pliable, thin-brained children when you’re gone. And we won’t even charge you our usual brainwashing and disposal fee.